The gloves came off in the political arena when both candidates for presidency aired their views on Ring use. The One Ring to rule them all, apparently, has created a huge ripple in culture over the question of whether Ring use should be legal or banned. Right now our jails are 75% full of Ring Dealers who believe it should be legal. While most senators and congressmen are confused and split on the issue, Romney and Obama know exactly where they stand.
Romney spilled his views immediately on a CNN exclusive when he said that he was Pro-Mordor (those who wish to throw the Ring into Mount Doom in Mordor). His explanation is just what the Republican Right wanted to hear—the Ring is dangerous and unregulated.
The Obama camp retaliated on this right away saying, “America has the right to put their finger in any ring they choose. That is what makes freedom so great.” He denies any reports that the Ring was once Sauron’s creation and avers that there is no proof that evil is bound to the Ring.
Romney fired back with a popular poll that explained that the silent majority of America does believe that the Doom of Man is bound with the evil of Sauron’s spirit and therefore is more prone to Ringwraiths. Ringwraiths, as Romney warned, is the leading killer of men and women who wear the Ring.
In an interview with Healthy America, Obama did not clarify whether there was a distinct link with the One Ring and Ringwraiths, but he did acknowledge that the Ring’s power to control lesser beings is the right of every American. He also noted that the Ring did not work on Dwarves so it was perfectly healthy. He is currently lobbying for Ring Distribution by the FDA. One of the Democrat reps stated that the One Ring has very positive effects on the human body, allowing it to reach the spiritual realm. If there are any legit negative effects, the body has a way of shutting down the Ringwraiths.
An outraged Romney is reported to have countered, “There’s a reason they call it the Doom of Man.” He then aired an attack ad against the Obama camp showing the effects of Ring overdose. His 30-second video depicted Smeagol (drug name Gollum) sharing his abusive past with drug use.
The people of Planned Ringhood refuted the ad saying, “That Smeagol fellow is a tainted example due to Smeagol’s diagnosed schizophrenia.” They then published a one-hundred page thesis explaining that The Ring does have possible side effects, but the attack ads calling it the Doom of Man are putting it in a dark light. The thesis explains that it should be called Isildur’s Bane after the pharmaceutical company that forged it. Planned Ringhood was quick to point out that medical Ring use is legal in California and Germany, noting that the crime rate is lower in Germany.
Backers of the Romney issue are still in the campaigner’s corner, but some Republicans are allowing that Romney make the One Ring partially legal. The major political debate is if someone who is born with low influence or power should have the choice to use Ring. Romney reported that he does allow exceptions for those who are born with low influence and power to use Ring. Many of his critics are calling him a flip-flopper, while his supporters admit that he is evolving on this issue.
The Catholic Defense Against Ring Use says that Ring use in any case should be banned due to the church’s no Ring protection dogma. This is a direct response to the Left demanding that the government give free Fellowship care to those who want to use the Ring freely.
Republican backers are outraged calling the demand for free Fellowship care “expensive and careless.” The argument is that it would be irresponsible and near impossible to ensure that everyone gets their own personal Dwarf, Elf, Hobbit and King to fight the effects of negative Ring use. The travel expenses alone to Mordor would be somewhere in the millions.
At the RNC, Romney explained in his Black Letters To The Republicans that this was not a political issue, but the people needed to know that doing Ring was supporting terrorists who make wars against America in the Middle-earth. He admitted that The Ring would be amazing for military battle, but the risk was too high.
At the DNC, Obama invited Gollum up on stage, who admitted that he had changed sides. Gollum insisted that The Ring is a preciousssss commodity and one of the reasons that America is a land of freedom is that we get the choice to put our finger in any Ring of power we choose. He then attacked the other side, saying that they paint The Ring as evil without any proof. He cited statistics that countries that legalize Ring have fewer trafficking smugglers and claimed that Ring production would also create jobs.
Contrary to popular belief, both political sides agree that while there is some risk involved in heavy Ring use, it still is safer than smoking.
What side are you on?
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